Gern's Place

Mid-day Mavens

2007-02-22T10:32:00.000-08:00

Galleries 2/22/07

2007-02-22T06:57:00.000-08:00

Gern had trouble with Photoshop yesterday...Gern fixed it. Here are three websites Gern enjoyed to the utmost on "Hump" day...followed buy nine galleries of gals. More later.

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Meet Kallista in a Field of Flames

2007-02-21T07:25:00.000-08:00

Afternoon Update - Galleries

2007-02-20T14:13:00.000-08:00

Sex in the News - 2/20/07

2007-02-20T07:23:00.000-08:00

It’s “Miller-Time” at Wrestle With Jimmy (more after the Jump).

Paris and Lindsay mock Britney. Sky blue, sun yellow…(Post Chronicle)
Gern sympathizes with this poor, delusional woman…(She Knows)
According to the internet, kids might see naked people…oh noes! (Christian News Wire)
Is porn a hate crime? Some Scottish bitches think so…(Student Newspaper UK)
Vegan porn? Gern saw no porn, only vegans. Eat a burger…(Vegan Porn)
Internet porn teaches us what to expect from sex…(Cracked.Com)

Marisa Miller…

Gern can’t go anywhere on the net without seeing SI Swimsuit model, Marisa Miller, all sandy and slutty, listening to music from the iPod covering her snatch. Wrestle With Jimmy has a good story about the Swimsuit Edition, and all the yummy, Marisa pics. Gern prefers the days of Elle MacPherson. She gave Gern a sore wrist.

Speaking of Miller…

Sienna Miller, that is. Apparently she’s the latest Hollywood “It” girl, or something. Gern would hit it harder than Hayden Christiansen learning dialogue. Miller’s latest epic, Factory Girl, features a steamy sex scene between she and Anakin Skywalker…and it’s about the Andy Warhol era, or something. Gern doesn’t care…his fifteen minutes were up months ago.

Scarlett as Jenna?

Gern will see Scarlett Johansson in the film adaptation of Jenna Jameson’s “How to Make Love Like a Porn Star.” Oh yes, and if there’s no nudity in it, Gern will burn down the cineplex. Don’t taunt Gern with sweet, sweet Scarlett playing sweet, sweet porn star…Gern wants to see Scarlett’s saggy sweater-meat.

A Small Gern Gallery…For You

Sex in the News - 2/19/07

2007-02-19T20:11:00.000-08:00

Sex sells, are you buying? Gern is. Gern loves sex, Gern loves news, Gern loves sexy news! Plenty of stuff to talk about when it comes to Britney. Gern will get to it after the jump…

Not good news for Cheney students. Hooker wants jailhouse treatment for HIV…
Homemaker sets fire to hooking homeless harlot…
Cop pimps out daughter. So tragic…But so FUNNY!
Not fair! Gern wasn’t breast-fed. That’s why Gern is poor…
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas (for 3 to 5 years)

Bye, Bye Britney…

What are the odds of Britney Spears pulling an Anna Nicole Smith? She’s losing it, man…losing it. Shit, she lost it over the weekend. Drudge has this link, detailing her complete meltdown. What’s with the wig?

Fox News Bimbo Gets Religion…

The newest correspondent and substitute anchor on Fox News Channel, frequently criticized for focusing on glitz and sex, pulled a gallery of swimsuit photos from her website today after the leading cable news network announced her hiring. (World Net Daily) – Don’t worry though, plenty of sights have them…Meh. Gern’s seen better. World Net Daily…World Poker Tour. Conspiracy? The plot thickens…

Kim Kardashian is Famous for What, Now?

Sucking dick, apparently. Non-celebrity to release celebrity porn DVD. Huzzah, she’s uglier than Paris Hilton (hard to imagine) and until this week, someone Gern’s never heard of. Blech. Drunken Stepfather has the link.

Madonna…

Crazy Kabalistic crooner she may be, but in the 1980s Gern found plenty of uses for her Penthouse and Playboy appearances. Gern also made use of grandparents’ Newsweek which showed one image unedited. Well, not the beaver shot – too much hair – but still did wonders for Gern before he could shoplift Playboy and Penthouse. Thank you, Humor Online.

A Classic Queen…

No, not Liberace. Gern likes Bettie Page. Bettie Page was classy, sassy, and just a little bit nassy (nasty). Gern thinks Bettie Page puts all modern skanks to shame, especially the little Hollywood whores showing their gashes to every photog in America. Shame on you, Mindy Cohn. Whoops, wrong decade. Gern would vomit if he saw that vagina.

Gern Hearts Porn

2007-02-19T11:54:00.000-08:00

Gern likes hardcore pornography. Gern has favorite cum-catchers that make his weenie grow. Disgusting as that might seem, I swear I never touch it while anyone is looking. Gern isn't an exhibitionist...Gern likes his privacy. Gern's most-adored jizz goblins are featured below. I have to hurry, though...my thingy is tingly.

Sasha Grey

Here's the hottest little slut of them all. This one fucks like her life depends on it. Her extreme scenes and over-the-top vocalizations make Gern happy. Plus...Sasha Grey appeared on The Tyra Banks Show in February 2007, where during the interview she revealed that aside from anything involving children or animals, she was pretty much up for anything, including being spat on or being punched. Gern is happy to oblige. Where are my slut-punching gloves?

Penny Flame

Penny is second because she doesn't do extreme porn. She used to be Gern's favorite, but for Gern's discovery of Sasha Grey. Penny still makes Gern's pee-pee excited, but not as much as before. Her MySpace site is good; she likes pot. Gern approves.

Haley Paige

Next is Haley Paige, a young anal queen who made a shitload of movies then quit the business. Gern thinks she'll be back as soon as her ass re-puckers itself. What else is she going to do, teach?

Eve Laurence

She's #4 because she isn't extreme. Gern usually isn't a fan of fake tits, but who wouldn't want to slap these jugs around? Gern would. Here's her MySpace page.

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Gern has to go drop a deuce now. Bye, bye!

Horrors of Hooking

2007-02-19T08:50:00.001-08:00

Gern isn't a man who pays for sexy-time. Although if he did, he wouldn't drop a dime on these three horrifying hookers:

Gern likes this one...

...but Gern has no money.

Gern Post #2 - Naked and Busty (Mostly)

2007-02-19T08:06:00.000-08:00

Gern is happy today for he is blogging again.

Four Test Babes

2007-02-18T14:40:00.000-08:00

First Post

2007-02-18T13:16:00.000-08:00

Gern sez hi.