Gern likes hardcore pornography. Gern has favorite cum-catchers that make his weenie grow. Disgusting as that might seem, I swear I never touch it while anyone is looking. Gern isn't an exhibitionist...Gern likes his privacy. Gern's most-adored jizz goblins are featured below. I have to hurry, though...my thingy is tingly.

Sasha Grey


Here's the hottest little slut of them all. This one fucks like her life depends on it. Her extreme scenes and over-the-top vocalizations make Gern happy. Plus...Sasha Grey appeared on The Tyra Banks Show in February 2007, where during the interview she revealed that aside from anything involving children or animals, she was pretty much up for anything, including being spat on or being punched. Gern is happy to oblige. Where are my slut-punching gloves?

Penny Flame


Penny is second because she doesn't do extreme porn. She used to be Gern's favorite, but for Gern's discovery of Sasha Grey. Penny still makes Gern's pee-pee excited, but not as much as before. Her MySpace site is good; she likes pot. Gern approves.

Haley Paige


Next is Haley Paige, a young anal queen who made a shitload of movies then quit the business. Gern thinks she'll be back as soon as her ass re-puckers itself. What else is she going to do, teach?

Eve Laurence


She's #4 because she isn't extreme. Gern usually isn't a fan of fake tits, but who wouldn't want to slap these jugs around? Gern would. Here's her MySpace page.

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Gern has to go drop a deuce now. Bye, bye!

Labels: eve laurence, haley page, penny flame, porn stars, sasha grey